Friday, May 2, 2014

Writer's Voice

Dear Writer's Voice Coaches,


Query:

Scarlett Rivers is as strong as titanium, but lately, she's felt more like a cracked china cup. Being her granny's chauffeur, her mama's maid, and her granddad's field hand is wearing her thin. Her thirteenth birthday is a few days away, and she has one wish: meet the father who split when she was born. Taking fate in her own hands she 'borrows' her granny's Lincoln, with a pocket full of her mama's rainy-day cash, and makes it to San Francisco like she's driving the Scarlett Rivers Express. She knocks on his door only to have it slammed in her face. Eventually the door slammer, Madison, lets her in and explains where her dad is.

He's standing right in front of her, in a floor-length black dress, with painted nails, and - OMG - boobs. 

Finding out her dad is a woman was not one of her birthday wishes, and hanging out with him is confusing and strange. But soon Scarlett realizes holding onto resentment is the last thing Jesus would actually do. Her mom wants her home, like yesterday, so she talks a reluctant Madison into driving home with her to Alabama. The closer they get the more Scarlett realizes her dad is just a normal - girl, and her broken heart starts to mend. 

But not everyone is as compassionate as Scarlett. Word gets out to the Bigot-brigade that Scarlett's dad is a woman. Bullies young and old are cropping up like mangy dogs, and pretty soon it's clear there's more on the line than just Scarlett and Madison's relationship. Scarlett has a choice to make: let ignorant swamp-turds chase her dad away, or fight to prove that being transgender isn't contagious. 

MAMA'S GIRL is an Upper Middle Grade Contemporary LGBT complete at 39,000 words. It is a stand alone novel. The full manuscript is available upon request. Thank you so much for your time and attention. I look forward to hearing from you soon.


First 250:


I stood by the fence, wishing I had x-ray vision to see through the door looming innocently at the end of the concrete walkway. On my right shoulder my good angel kept telling me to get back in Granny's Lincoln and head home to Alabama. On my left shoulder, my bad angel was doing a freedom dance from my big toe to my shoulder bone.

Running a clammy hand down my face I mentally flicked my good angel into the bushes by the gate. As my chest heaved beneath my green hoodie I could've kicked myself for not bringing a paper bag to hyperventilate into. Big girl panties, Scarlett. Red hair - don't care, remember? I said to myself. 

I flipped my long tresses over my shoulders and shook my hands out at my sides. Glancing up at the sky above San Francisco, I prayed to Jesus for the hundredth time that Mark Rivers, otherwise known as 'child support paycheck', was home. I pushed the gate open as the last of the sun slipped over the rim of the Pacific Ocean in the distance behind me. 

I crept softly on the walkway to the front door, looking left and right, expecting someone to jump out and yell at me. My head swam a little on step four, and a word my mama would've popped my mouth for tumbled out like granddaddy's beer cans from under his Ford bench seat. As my stomach performed a mean back hand-spring, I knocked on the door. 

32 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thank you so much Annette! I appreciate it.

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  2. This sounds great. Good luck in the contest!

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    1. Thank you Ashley! Good luck to you too!

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    1. Thank you! I hope others like it as well.

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  4. Fantastic voice! I loved this in Pitch Slam too!

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    1. Thanks Rena. I hope my little book shines through lol!

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  5. So glad to see you ended up making it in! Good luck!!

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    1. Thanks Sean I'm glad you made it in too!

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  6. What a great story and a great voice! Good luck!

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    1. Thanks Katharine good luck to you as well!

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  7. FIGHT THE SWAMP TURDS! Great premise, good luck in the contest!

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    1. Haha thanks for the comment and for taking the time to read!

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  8. Ohmygosh I love this story already! There's so much voice and awesome in your query and opening page! I would DEFINITELY read this! Good luck!

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    1. Alison, thank you so much that's a great compliment!

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  9. This sounds amazing. Love the idea of her taking off in the car on her own. Best of luck!

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    1. Thank you, she's a brave little chit that's for sure! Good luck to you as well!

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  10. Love the query! Great voice. Good Luck! (Google's acting strange today - comment box wouldn't pop up for me before).

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    1. Susan, thanks a lot I'm glad it finally showed up!

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  11. I love it. Great voice. Good luck!

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    1. Thank you Maureen good luck to you too!

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  12. Oh my heck! I can't wait to read this. I love the voice, and the concept. Great job!

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    1. Thanks Niki I really loved your entry as well. Definitely can't wait to read it!

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    1. Thank you Emmalee (Love your name!) Good luck to you too!

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  14. Wow, awesome voice! The character just leaps off the page, and you definitely have a unique premise.
    Good luck in your agent search!

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    1. Miriam, thank you so much for your compliment I hope I find an agent too! Good luck to you.

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  15. Really enjoyed reading your first 250! I'm drawn to the premise and your character has a great voice. Good luck!

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    1. Thank you so much I hope it makes it. I can't wait to see this on bookshelves (as does every writer I think!).

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  16. Heeey, Missy!! I WANT YOU!! I really want you on my team!!

    I love your entry! I’ve read a lot of LGBT entries before (in Pitch Wars, and the previous TWV installments), and usually, the premises of these mss were just, like, MC has to deal with coming out of the closet. And that’s it. They were all the same. And I remember, I once asked for LGBT in Pitch Wars (2 years ago, I think?) and told the writers, please, give me something new. Like Lauren Myracle’s SHINE. Something with a hook. And look, 2 years later, you totally delivered! YAY! Because I mean, omg, this hook! I love it. It was totally unexpected in the query, and I think my jaw was hanging. And I think your story needs to be told because there are many kids going through what Scarlett is going through. So I want your book published! Oh, and my guest coach, Stacey Lee wants it, too!

    I think the query needs a little work, and I would have some small suggestions for the first page. Also, I would love to keep reading to see if we can make this opening scene even better.
    So, please pick me, Missy!!

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    1. Thank you so much for choosing me Monica!!

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Thank you so much for leaving a comment! Please make sure to link back to your own blog | website | twitter! Missy